Moravian Lives @ Moravian U

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The married S.^r Martha Hartley, whose maiden Name was Vicars, dep.^{td} this Life Nov.^{br} 17.^{th} 1794 at Fartown near Huddersfield. She has left extensive Memorandums of her Life, of which the following is an Extract. — I was born in Halifax Feb.^{y} 8.^{th} 1746. My Mother being awakened when she was young, sought earnestly for her Salvation, and was of course much concerned for the Happiness of her Children, and took me constantly to the Children's Meetings at Tannery and Wyke, whereby I received a lasting Impression on my heart of our Saviours Love. I delighted in singing of our Saviours Wounds and Sufferings, at which I often melted into Tears. I remember, that after I had had a severe Sickness, my Mother took me and my Sisters, spoke to us of our Saviours great Love to suffer and bleed for us, and then sang with us the hymn: O Head so full of Bruises &c, during which we had such a feeling of our Sav.^{rs} presence, that we all wept. My Children's Years were happy days, which I spent in reading the Bible, singing Verses and frequently kneeling before our Saviour entreating him to make a happy Child of me. In the Year 1759, I was the first time in Fulneck; The Sight of the Girls and S.^{rs} quite overcame me, and from that Moment I determined to live with them, if it was possible. My Mother being equally concerned, lest I should get a Love for the World, obtained leave for me in 1759 to move to the Girls School at Gomersal. Here the S.^{rs} had in the beginning a deal of trouble with me, having been so much indulged at home, as also on account of my

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natural haughty Temper; But thro' the Blessings I enjoy'd and the Love of the Sisters, I was however soon at home. Soon after this a new period of Grace took place in my heart. I with some other Girls often conversed together about living for our Saviour, and accordingly we pray'd and devoted ourselves to him. But I am at a loss how to write this part of my life; For I knew that I had felt our Saviours Love in my heart, and now I saw my Wretchedness and that I was a lost undone Sinner and without a Saviour; this I could not reconcile to myself. I cry'd almost Night and day and often weted my Pillow with my Tears, entreating our Saviour to forgive me my Sins and to reveal his love to me. I had not courage to speak to the Sisters in my troubles, imagining they would not understand me. Our Saviour drew often near to me with his Comforts, but I durst not rely on it, lest I should deceive myself. On the 2.^{d} of August 1760 I moved into the Choir-house at Fulneck, and on the 13.^{th} I was received into the Cong.^{n}, which bowed me with Gratitude. I expected now nothing but happiness in the Cong.^{n}, but instead of this my innate Depravity show'd itself in a still stronger Light, which very near distracted me. But one Saturday Evening, before the singing-hour, I went into a private place and cast myself at our Sav.^{rs} Feet, beg'd of him to pardon me my Sins and speak peace to my Soul. It was as if I heard a Voice saying: Thy Sins are forgiven thee! My Load was removed and I could rejoice in the God of my Salvation. — Tho' I doubted

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doubted no more of my Interest in our Saviour, yet my not being openhearted to the Sisters, and loosing myself in Self-Complacency, Pride, reasoning about Things I did not like and Selfworking, my Course was exceeding uneven and frequently very distressings, till at last I found some Relief in having several Candid Conversations with S.^{r} Sarah Cennick, whereby I was encouraged to surrender myself with all my Misery to our Saviours help and power. Upon this I enjoy'd, at different times, extraordinary Blessings from our dear Lord, which flow'd on me from his making himself of no Reputation, his Merits and Sufferings for my poor pierced heart. — The 20.^{th} of June 1767 I had the Grace to become a participant of the Holy Communion with the Cong.^{n}, under a Sense of my great Unworthiness. I now spent my time till Sept.^{r} 1770 in a happy manner, loved my Choir Companions and enjoy'd also Their Love to me, and when even some times my natural proud Disposition would int[er]rupt me, I could find my way again to our Saviour as a Sinner. — O that I could stop here, and cast a Veil over the remaining part of my Life! — My Mother withdrew herself from the Connexion of the Cong.^{n}, and insisted upon my leaving Fulneck. Tho' various Steps were taken to prevent it, yet it was ultimately of no avail, and I, tho' reluctantly, went to live in Halifax and kept a School there. What I went thro' here no tongue can express. I soon saw the striking difference between a Cong.^{n} of Jesus and my being in the broadway that leads

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to destruction. Continued Convictions and constant Condemnations were my Companions. When I endeavoured to assist myself in forming Resolutions, to keep to our dear Saviour, he being however every where; My evil Propensities and the outward worldly Follies, which corresponded with my heart, soon baffled my best Determinations. Being surrounded with Temptations and seeing myself in the Utmost Danger, I fervently beg'd of our Saviour, to preserve me at least from gross Sins and Transgressions, which he has also graciously done. I entered at last, in June 1775, with fear and trembling into the married State, with M.^{r} Hartley of Fartown near Huddersfield, who kept a Boarding-School. Outwardly we prospered; But I soon found, that my Expectations to live with my husband to the Lord, according to previous Agreement, and I to enjoy my full religious Liberty, were frustrated. His Temper and my high Spirit; My hearts wish, still to live to the Lord and his Opposition thereto, made the first Years of our Marriage very miserable. In this distressed State I took my refuge frequently to to our dear Lord, with the inmost hearts desire to support me, and to grant me once more the Priviledges, which I had forfeited among his House and People; He also visited me often in my Afflictions. Our dear Lord gave us a Son; And with him he gave me also a look of Grace. Thro' Sicknesses, Troubles of various kinds, Distresses and Disappointments, I became in my heart and Inclinations quite weaned from the things of this Life; and humbly entreated

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entreated my Saviour to be so merciful as to unite me once more to his Cong.^{n}, whom I had grieved and offended, and to pardon all my past Offences, by the cleansing Virtue of his precious Blood. And after various Applications, I was readmitted as a Member of the Cong.^{n} March 28.^{th} 1790, of which our kind Saviour gave me a precious feeling. The Text of the day was particularly impressive on my Mind: Thy People shall be my People, and thy God shall be my God, which I felt sealed in my heart with an Amen from above. The 6.^{th} of June following, I partook again of the holy Communion, after missing it 20 Years, with a bowed and thankful heart. — When I now look at the 45 Years that are past, I can trace the Finger of the Lord thro' the darkest Dispensation, in Order that I might attain to the Knowledge of my dreadfully corrupted heart. — My sincere hearts Ejaculation now is, that I may spend the remainder of my days in humble fellowship with my Saviour and be prepared by Him for the Fruition of eternal Joy and happiness. Written in the Year 1791. We have reasons to believe, that her last Petition to our dear Lord was granted to her, which her last short but very painful Sickness evidenced: For she fervently long'd to see the end of her days and to be with Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.