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Title
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Hannah Tordoff (1759-1777)
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Creator
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Tordoff, Hannah, 1759-1777
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Publisher
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Moravian Lives Project
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Date
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1777
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Type
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Text
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Format
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image/jpg
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Description
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This autobiographical religious testimony by Hannah Tordoff describes her childhood in a religious community, likely Moravian, where prayer meetings and choir gatherings strongly shaped her faith. Born in 1739, she recalls a happy early life and meaningful participation in church life, including her first communion around 1750. She also writes about later struggles with poor health, loneliness, spiritual weakness, and feelings of unworthiness, while emphasizing her continued trust in the Savior and desire to remain faithful despite suffering.
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Subject
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Tordoff, Hannah, 1759-1777
Moravians--Biography
Women--Biography
Autobiographies
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Identifier
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Ful/SS/34
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Place
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Fulneck, England
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Language
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eng
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Extent
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4 pages
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Rights Holder
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Fulneck Moravian Archives, Fulneck, England
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transcript of
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The Single Sisr Hanh Tordoff has left the following concerning her course of Life.
I was born at Houme in the Lordship of Tong Decbr ye 10th 1759 baptiz’d by the Brn in my Childhood I frequented the Childrens meetings which prov’d a great blessing to my heart & I often prayd our dr Savr to make me quite happy, the Sistrs Oeconomy was then in Houme Lane where I injoyd the Love of the Sistrs and had also our classes there, which were blest to my heart. March 25th 1770, I was taken into the great girls choir, which I lookt upon as as a great favour, and got a desire to live with the Sistrs which was granted me, and July 15th 1770. I went to live in the Sistrs Oeconomy at Gumersal, for which I was very thankfull to our dr Savr but finding many things to gocome thro with which I did not expect, it went very hard with me for some years, I had not my health very well, and having now to feel more & more every day, how poor and sinfull I was by nature I stood in need of the love and forbearance of the sistrs and Sometimes thought I felt more then it was possible for me to come thro’ with, which it would have been the case had not my dr Lord Slept in, & thro his tender loving and kind heart towards me help’d me thro, which he had has often done and always prov’d my friend; my forward and hasty Temper often causd me and the Sistrs pain, and no I now begun to feel the natural corruption and deep depravity which lay in me and being very reserv’d, I did not like to tell it and was afraid any Body
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Should see it in me, I kept it as I thought undiscoverd as long as I possibly could, but at last resolv’d to keep it no was longer, but tell it without reserve just as it is was, I did so and found by degrees that I became more chearfull, and had more confidence to our dr Savr, I had a great desire to be receiv’d into the Congn, which favour was granted me Febry 11th 1776 to my great abasement; it was an inexpress able grace and favour to me, and I went on for sometime chearfullm, and was happy in the nearness of my dr Savr I thought then to be sure I should never feel myself so bad as before, but alas this did not hold long; our Savr had many things to shew me, that I had not known before, he let me see and feel my self in such a manner as to be and one with and an entirely lost soul without him: and it out him a lost soul intirely this appear’d on all sides so dark & Gloomy, as if I cou’d not be help’d, and in this sad state I went on for sometime, till on Novr ye 10th I was Spectator at the Holy Comn for this first time, this bowed me in the dust, and gave me a little incouragement that still our Savr Showed me mercy, and granted me this favour amidst all my Poverty, I felt a longing to injoy this highest good, but found that I was far from being clear, that my Lord had forgiven me everything, that there was something between him and me caus’d me great pain; in this situation I had many heavy days & hours, and cou’d not come in nightly to the Point, I wou’d gladly have done somthing in my own Strength, but the more I strove, the darker I became, till at Length I could no longer hold
it out; I went alone into a room, where I fell on my knees before our Savr as an undone wretch, when he was pleasd to draw near in so particular a manner, that all my distress left me in a moment, and my heart was enliven’d with the sweet nearness of my best friend, and now I felt, that he had blotted out all my sins and iniquities, but at the same time it was as if Some one said to me What thou now hast received, thou hast Still to carry in an earth on Vesel; thou must not lean alone on this thou must have it renewed every day and hour out of my wounded heart; This grace I shall never forget and must thank our dr Savr for it even in eternity; May ye 4th 1777 I was receivd into the Single Sistrs Choir and on the 25th of the same month was Spectator the last time at the H. communion for which I was very thankfull, and on the 19th of June. partook for the first time of the Lords Body and Blood, in the H Sacrament; what I felt then, is inexpressible; therefore I must remain Silent; since that time I have seen and felt many things that are not to the mind of my dr Savr, but thro’ ihs grace I have been able to come to him with every thing as a needy Sinner, who tho’ I was many times heavy and cast down on account of my inate corruption: yet found I had a mercifull Savr, who could bear with all my infirmities; In the beggining of May 1778 I was seiz’d with a bad Cold which increasing in its effects made me think, I might perhaps at this time go to our dr Savr; with which our Late Sistr Closes her own account Her thoughts concerning going home, led her to a more
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Solid reflection & particularly on the last moment, Which causd her some anxious concern as She was naturaly Timorous; but it was evident, that the Holy Ghost was carying on his work in her heart in order to prepare her for her happy end; and as her weakness increasd daily, it was thought proper for conveniency’s sake to remove her to the Choir house here, where she came Septr 9 into the sickroom, where she injoy’d the frequent visits of the Sistrs, particularly her Choir Labouressesress with whom she kept many hearty conversations about her poverty & deficiency, on account of which she shed many Sinner tears before our Savr, accounting herself the poorest of all, tho’ it was perceptible, that our Savr at the same time did more on her then She was able to express, as She was of a Still turn of mind; about a week before her departure She spoke with great Clearness, how she felt concerning going to our Savr, that She now coud go to him, whenever he was pleasd to take her which she longd very much for, since he had taken every thing away that causd fear, and there was nothing left that coud hinder her from resigning herself intirely into his hands, whenever the happy moment came, which She waited for with tender Longing, till inon the forenoon of Novr 6th, when she went over into the Arms of her Redeemer, with the Blessing of her Choir, in the 19th year of her Age
