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Title
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Mary Taylor (1745-1790)
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Creator
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Taylor, Mary, 1745-1790
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Publisher
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Moravian Lives Project
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Date
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1790
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Type
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Text
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Format
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image/jpg
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Description
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This autobiographical memoir tells the story of Mary Taylor (1745–1790), a Moravian woman who struggled deeply with despair, guilt, and fear for her soul before gradually finding comfort through faith in Christ and Moravian preaching. Drawn strongly to the Moravian community, she joined the choir house at Dukinfield and later Fulneck despite severe opposition from her family, who tried to force her to leave by locking her up and physically restraining her. The account emphasizes her spiritual struggles, religious devotion, and perseverance in remaining faithful to the Moravian Church.
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Subject
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Taylor, Mary, 1745-1790
Moravians--Biography
Women--Biography
Autobiographies
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Identifier
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Ful/SS/61
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Place
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Fulneck, England
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Language
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eng
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Extent
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5 pages
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Rights Holder
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Fulneck Moravian Archives, Fulneck, England
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transcript of
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The Course of with of the S. Sister Mary Taylor who Departed to our Savior at Fulnec Febr 21 1790
I was Born at Moberly in the County of Cheshire July 11th 1745 and Baptized in the Church of England. In my Childrens Years I felt some dawnings of Grace in my heart, but did know how to value it rightly. In my 10th Year my Father took me with Him to hear the Brn, and I not a deep impression of our Saviors love in my heart, which remained with me for some Time. But in my 14th Year I began to see my lost Condition which soon brought me into dispair, and Satan got such power over me, that I believed there was no God, or if there was I had no right to Him & I thought Hell its self could not contain more misery, than I found dwelt in me, so I wished I had never been Born, and that I had no immortale Soul to live forever; but Since I had, wish’d that it might be distroyed, and not remain inthe number of those Souls that was immortal. This led me to think wether or no there was a God who had made me & who cou’d distroy my Soul: And I conclnded that there was a God, & that he could save some that believed on Him. But I had no faith, and thought I must be lost. In this Situation I went to hear a Brother preach, the Text was at the Time of Ignorance God winketh at, but now Commandeth all Men every where to repent. I thought if I had but been Ignorant, then I might have hopes. but I have been told so often of our dear Savior, and what he
had done & fuffered for poor Sinners, how often has my Father entreated me to go alone and to pray to my Maker & Redeemer that He wood have mercy upon my Soul, but I had refulod it. All this was set before my heart & Eyes in a clear light. But my distress I could tell to no one, and kept my misery to myself for I thought no one was as bad as I felt myself to be. In my 17th Year I went again to hear the Brn preach and the Text was a great Comfort to my distressed Soul, It was the following He which hath begun a Good Work in you, will perform it untill the Day of Jesus Chriest, It was as if my dear Savior said to me, this is my work. Give thine Heart to me & I will give the rest from thy Labour Oh how did my Soul rejoice that she Lord could have mercy upon me. In the Year 1762 I moved with my Father & Mother to be near the Congn in Duckenfield, where I soon got a desire to live inthe Choirhouse, and Obtained leave in the Year following to my great Joy. But I must confess that I spent my Time there very indifferently & did not seek in ernest to know my dear Saviors aim with me but was satisfied with some dawnings of his Grace. Octr 23d 1763 I had the favor to be rec’d into the Congn from this Time I fell into a legal self working way striving in my own Spirit & strength to become good, but in vain. Thus I spent 4 Years in this miserable self
righteous working way of my own, Sometimes I was weary and tired out almost, but still could not leave it off. Till in the Year 1767, when I had the grace to become a Condidate for the Holy Comuinion. this gave me acdearer imight into myself than I had ever had before. I now found that all my self working was like a Cob web, & all my self nighteousness was as felthy, & that Verse was applicable to my condition.
A Garment I myself had gained. A Staff I had whereon I lean’d Which fell when tryed from out my hand My Robe I buent it to a brand.
I had alonging desire to become a Partaker of the highest Good but was very timoaroay about it. However my dr Savior shewed me the way that as a poor Sinner I must go and venture upon his mercy. March the 21st 1760 on Maunday Thursday I partook for the first Time of the Highest Good in the Holy Sacrament, during which I got a deep impress. ion of our Saviours sufferings & Death, & it was a time of real Blessing to me which I hope never to forget; I went on in a still and happy Course for near a Year, when my Father & Mother & Brothers agreed to force get me away from the Brn by telling me that they were a deceitful People and that I was already deceived, but I could not believe them; but as their designs where frustrated, thay contrived a scheme to get meto my Father House by a message that if I would see my FatherMother alive I must come immeadsately
but it was all entirely a Falshood & deceit. “I however went to see her I found her rather poorly but no ways danger- ously Ill, now sheirintentions was to keep me, and when I attempted to go back again, they would not suffer me to go & when I set off they fetched me bact, and forced me to stay against my will & at night locked me in my chamber, & desired the neighbours to watch me least I should leave the House, this continued a whole week before I could make my escape. At last I found an Oppertunity to get off. on a Dark night, I went around about way for Duckenfield, that they might not ovortakeme if they pursued me. But my two Brothers & two other Men, got to Duckenfield before me and placed them selves in the roads that led to the S Srs House, so that I could not get home without meet ing some of them. my Brother happined to be in the road where I had to pass. He therefore stoped me and called the others to assist Him, they intended to take me back by force, but being near the Srs House, I cried as loud as I could, that they might hear me and come to my assistance, which they did, and came to see the reason of my cries, and one ofthem asked me if I would go back with the Men or not, I answered that
I would not return with them they then endeavoured to get me at liberty, but one of the Sisters was knocked down by one of them, which made them fight in good ernest, and the Srs being almost come out, at length prevailed & I escap’d their hands, tho’ I was much bruis’d & by the hard usage I had undergone. I was thankful to my dear Savior, that I could be at rest again in my Choir House, but my Stay in Duckinfield was not long for I wrote to my Brother in Fulneck of what had happened to me, and He spoke to the Brn there about me, wishing thinking that it would be better if I re- moved to some other Congregation, this was taken into consideration, and I Obtained leave to live in Fulnec, accordingly on March the 21st 1769 I went came to live in the Choir House here, where I was thankful to be, altho outwardly I had it harder to procure a Maintenance than in Duckenfield, but I believe that the Lord will make it answer a good and at last. thus far her own Account.
