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Title
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Susan Smith (1746-1814)
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Creator
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Smith, Susan, 1746-1814
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Publisher
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Moravian Lives Project
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Date
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1814
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Type
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Text
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Format
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image/jpg
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Description
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This autobiographical and memorial account recounts the spiritual life of Susan Smith (1746–1814), who was raised within the Moravian community at Fulneck after losing her mother shortly after birth. From childhood she experienced strong religious impressions, especially through Moravian meetings and the influence of Count Zinzendorf, but throughout her life she struggled with doubt, despair, feelings of unworthiness, and periods of spiritual darkness. Despite these inner struggles, she repeatedly found comfort through prayer, Holy Communion, and faith in Christ’s mercy, eventually viewing her life as a “chequered course” marked by the patience and faithfulness of her Savior. The concluding section describes her final illness and peaceful death in 1814, during which she expressed longing for eternity and humble confidence that Christ would receive her “poor and worthless” soul.
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Subject
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Smith, Susan, 1746-1814
Moravians--Biography
Women--Biography
Autobiographies
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Identifier
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Ful/SS/6
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Place
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Fulneck, England
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Language
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eng
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Extent
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8 pages
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Rights Holder
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Fulneck Moravian Archives, Fulneck, England
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transcript of
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1
The S. Sr Sus. Shmith who departed this life Dec 19th 1814 has left the following short account concern ing herself:
I was born at Morton Bank, in the parish of Bingley Jan. 6th 1746. Two days after my birth my Mother departed this life and I was put to my Grandmother to be nursed. My Father went to live for some time in the S Brns Oeconomy at Smith house hear Wyke, and after a few years he moved to Fulneck where he was married the 3d time, on this occation he took me home again, being then in my 7th year. I often call to mind the blessings I then injoyed in attending the Childrens meetings, particularly once when Count Zinsendorf on our Congn day spoke to us much of our Savrs love, and when the meeting was over came to ask each of us separate
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if we loved our Saviour? which made a days impression on my heart. In my 15th year I came to live in the Srs house here, I entered with thankfulness, as I felt myself very unworthy of such a priviledge, I found myself soon at home, lived for sometime very happy, and with the meetings I was greatly delighted. In externals it was difficult, nothing but spinning, however as long as I was satisfied, I did well; but when I deviated from the right path I grew unhappy and discontended, this brought me into trouble and dark ness, reasoning and dispare, I wish’d to injoy priviledges in the Congn but had to wait 7 years before I was recd. Still my Saviour had thoughts of peace over me, and gave me grace to reflect on the past time, I felt and found that I had not been attentive to the
voice of his holy Spirit, nor put my trust and confidence in him, this brought me into deep concern, I wept & prayed many nights and days that our Saviour would pardon my sins and transgressions, and receive me anew as his property, and I thank him this day, for his pardon, mercy and comfort which he then imparted to me. Nov. 13th 1768 I was recd into the Congn and Sept 8th 1772 I had the favour to partake the first time of the H Comn which proved days of solid blessings to me, and I felt again happy and comfort able, injoyed our Saviours nearness and the priviliges of the Congn proved a great refreshment and incouragement to my poor and needy soul. But alas! I soon again came into a dark and reasoning way, on which account I had many heavy hours, my uneasiness of mind
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was very great, I went to the H. Comn often when I felt and knew it would have been better for me not to partake of this heavenly repast. Often I thought I would run away where I might be seen no more, and once I did set off and went to Mortenbank to a Relation, but feeling no rest there neither, I returned back again. I shall never forget the kindness then shown to me, of which I was so undeserving, but above all the mercy, love and forbearance of my Saviour, who still had not forsaken me; but kept his hand over me his erring Sheep. I stayed now from the H Comn for several times, the Lord had much to do for me, he pardoned my sins and washed them away in his precious Blood, and the 13th of Aug 1780 when I had the great favour again
to draw near to the table of the Lord to partake of his Body and Blood in the Holy Sacrament, it proved to me an injoyment which I never shall forget. Now when I reflect on my chequered course, I find thousand reasons to fall down at my Saviours feet, to thank and praise him for his unwearied faithfulness his patience and longsuffering, and tho I have often grieved him and disobeed the voice of his holy spirit; still he sought and found me when I strayed from him, and received me with open arms of mercy. “O thou my yesterday to day & ever “most faithful Saviour. I have nothing more to say, as Lord Jesus! I am a poor Sinner, who would fain thro’ the Lambs ransom entrance gain.” May he now prepare me for his heavenly Kingdom, where I shall praise him for ever, for what
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he has done for me unworthy sinner here below.
Thus far she dictated to a friend in Sept 1809.
At that time she was in a very poor state of state of health, and thought that her time here below would not be long. However it pleased the Lord to restore her sofar that she could go about again tho in weakness and feeling many infirmities, whereby her faith and patience was often tried. As she has candidly stated herself the various scenes of trials in which the the Lord has helped her thro’ we shall not innumerate any thing now; but unite our thanks and praises with hers, to him, who has had patience with her in time of need, and heard her prayers in the accepted time; who has done all things well, and now brought
her to her desired haven.
Within this last year she suffered much with pain and weakness. On Dec. 11th she injoyed the H. Comn with 5 other Sisters in the Sickroom, she expressed herself afterwards very grateful, and said: “What I felt on this occation I shall never forget, it was a foretaste of Eternity, O Eternity! when shall I once be there, with my dear Savr surely, it cannot be very long.” Tho she grew weaker, yet neither she nor we thought her departure so near. On the 18th in a conversation, when amongst other things she was asked if any thing desturbed her mind, and if she felt quit resigned to our Saviours will? She replied: “I have done with every thing. but you know dying has always been an aweful thing to me, but however I have that firm asurance that our Saviour
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will receive me, poor and worthless as I am; I can say nothing, but Lord have mercy upon me!” In the evening she was pretty easy but in the night she grew very restless and her breathing very difficult, and she prayed fervently to our Saviour to help her, in the morning on the 19th having received the blessing for her departure she blbreathed her last during the singing of that verse. When in the arms of Jesus thy Lips shall pallid grow. Aged 68 years 11 months.
